temptation

She sits there on the floor next to her bed and plays with it. 

She knows what she is doing but she reasons with herself, it isn’t her pair of scissors so she should be fine right? 

She also knows it isn’t the smartest thing to do but it isn’t hurting anyone.

Her mind races, she knows she isn’t better, but she hates taking those stupid uppers, pretending to make her feel better, another day, another pill. So when she misplaced her prescription she wasn’t too sad, she was going to get better, be better, no problem. 

The only reason they gave them to her was because she wasn’t smiling as much, and of course those scars on her wrist, that was the biggest reason why they gave them to her probably. 

Those thoughts come flooding in and out of her mind as she sits there, safety pin in her hand, clicking it softly. She knows she shouldn’t, people would be mad, they think it is dumb, but it is her only escape. Maybe she will just keep it handy, just in case.

 She tries to do better, cleaning more, doing things the first time, doing extra things, just to please her mother. That is always a good thing when she can do that, because then no more fighting, or yelling, or making her feel bad, she likes not having that. 

Why not add another scratch? It is just one, but one turns into two, into three. The fact that the weather the next day is suppose to be 90 so she would look weird with a long sleeve shirt on…would anyone care? Take notice? Would work send her home? Would they just let it go but know that is was there.? 

Maybe she could do it somewhere else, like on her legs or something,, jeans cover it very well, and she can do it high enough her shorts will cover it, but she thinks that is dumb, she won’t do it there, she doesn’t know why, she likes it on her wrist. As creepy as it sounds, it relaxes her when she can see it, see her past decisions, not mistakes, decisions. 

She gets distracted and it lies there, glistening, calling her, she won’t answer it though, not this time, she will try and fight it…but they both know she can only fight it for so long, it will be waiting, or her scissors, whichever one looks more appealing to her. 

But for now, she is free…decision made.